I took a girl to a party, then had her catch me making out with her best friend in my car =(
At age 28 I've just decided not to date anymore.... I'm going to stay away from women for as long as I can stand it.. hopefully forever. Five months ago I had a girl ruin my life... thats the second time that happened to me and this time I think I learned my lesson.... to all you younger folk.... watch out for women! To the ladies out there....
Grymm MMO addict in recovery! EQ,SWG preCU,L2,EQ2,GW,CoH/CoV,V:SOH, Aion,AoC,TR,WAR,EVE,BP,RIFT,WoW and others... no more!
I really liked this girl, and we'd been on about 5 dates. We'd made out and stuff, but we hadn't slept together yet.
So on the 6th date, I decided to pull out all the stops. I rocked up to her place with flowers, took her to an expensive restaurant (steak) and then to a play that she'd been wanting to see. The play wasn't half bad, considering i never go to those things, but it made her especially happy.
After the play we walked to a cozy little bar and had some port. She was laughing and giggling, and talking about what a 'perfect night this is' and how she loved the play etc.
So that's when I said "The night doesn't have to end here". I think she got the hint because she gave me a wry smile and said "We can go to mine and watch tv or whatever, my flat mate is away until monday"
I thought "Score".
I really liked this girl, she was smart, pretty and fun.
We got to hers and she told me to pour myself a drink, while she went to get changed.
I helped myself to some jacks and found coke in the fridge, settled in on the couch and switched on the TV to see a rerun of one of the police academy films.
She came into the room wearing a long t shirt and boxer shorts. She took my drink from my hand and had a sip.
I said "what about a tour of your place" and she replied "sure"
We went to her bedroom, and she was saying something about it, when i grabbed her and kissed her. We sat on the bed and made out, and then she asked "do you have protection?"
I managed to say something like yeah, not sure, i was getting dizzy.
She told me to get ready and that she'd be right back.
I threw my gear off and got into her bed. When i noticed something really odd. It was a picture of her Dad hanging on her wall. Nothing odd about that usually, i'd met the guy and he seemed nice but, this was a big photo, maybe 1m by 1m handing on her wall, directly opposite her bed.
He was a young guy, with one of those permanent 5 o'clock shadows.
I don't know why i did this, but i took the frame off the wall and looked closely at it. It was a head and shoulders of him, he was in a navy blue suit.
I went back to bed and sat on the side, when she called out "wont be long" and i yelled back "no worries babe, take your time"
That's when a single tear escaped from me. I started to sob. I knew then, what I know now.
Sobbing like a kid who'd fallen off his bike, i placed the frame on her bed, with her dad facing up and positioned myself over him.
I began to stroke it like i'd never stroked it before. I wasn't myself. Or was I. Maybe I was Me for the first time ever.
I feverishly tugged myself, i was a crazed artist, a painter of masterpieces, my penis was my brush, and he was my muse.
I was hypnotized by his gaze and could not take my eyes of his as i held my body over the large frame.
My trance broke however when i heard a shriek from the door, and i turned to see my GF standing there, in a sexy nightie and a look on her face that personifies horror.
My knees buckled and fell to the bed as I tried to talk "Babe i..." when i suddenly released mounds of my pent up little soldiers all over her dads forehead and right cheek... on his tie and more. It just kept coming.
I turned to face her, to look her in the eyes and plead to her my sorrow, but my penis had unfinished business, as it continued to release glob after glob of my white nectar onto her cherished childhood teddy bear that she slept with every night "mr fuzzy".
She screamed for me to get out.
I stood up, kissed my fingers and placed them ever so gently on her fathers clean, and whispered under my breath "you complete me". I know it's just a picture and all, but at that moment his smile seemed to widen, or maybe just my mind playing tricks on me. His eyes were kinda covered in semen so it was hard to tell anyway.
As i passed her i paused, let out a wet fart and said "your apartment is kinda gay"
Don't be terrorized! You're more likely to die of a car accident, drowning, fire, or murder! More people die every year from prescription drugs than terrorism LOL!
I really liked this girl, and we'd been on about 5 dates. We'd made out and stuff, but we hadn't slept together yet.
So on the 6th date, I decided to pull out all the stops. I rocked up to her place with flowers, took her to an expensive restaurant (steak) and then to a play that she'd been wanting to see. The play wasn't half bad, considering i never go to those things, but it made her especially happy.
After the play we walked to a cozy little bar and had some port. She was laughing and giggling, and talking about what a 'perfect night this is' and how she loved the play etc.
So that's when I said "The night doesn't have to end here". I think she got the hint because she gave me a wry smile and said "We can go to mine and watch tv or whatever, my flat mate is away until monday"
I thought "Score".
I really liked this girl, she was smart, pretty and fun.
We got to hers and she told me to pour myself a drink, while she went to get changed.
I helped myself to some jacks and found coke in the fridge, settled in on the couch and switched on the TV to see a rerun of one of the police academy films.
She came into the room wearing a long t shirt and boxer shorts. She took my drink from my hand and had a sip.
I said "what about a tour of your place" and she replied "sure"
We went to her bedroom, and she was saying something about it, when i grabbed her and kissed her. We sat on the bed and made out, and then she asked "do you have protection?"
I managed to say something like yeah, not sure, i was getting dizzy.
She told me to get ready and that she'd be right back.
I threw my gear off and got into her bed. When i noticed something really odd. It was a picture of her Dad hanging on her wall. Nothing odd about that usually, i'd met the guy and he seemed nice but, this was a big photo, maybe 1m by 1m handing on her wall, directly opposite her bed.
He was a young guy, with one of those permanent 5 o'clock shadows.
I don't know why i did this, but i took the frame off the wall and looked closely at it. It was a head and shoulders of him, he was in a navy blue suit.
I went back to bed and sat on the side, when she called out "wont be long" and i yelled back "no worries babe, take your time"
That's when a single tear escaped from me. I started to sob. I knew then, what I know now.
Sobbing like a kid who'd fallen off his bike, i placed the frame on her bed, with her dad facing up and positioned myself over him.
I began to stroke it like i'd never stroked it before. I wasn't myself. Or was I. Maybe I was Me for the first time ever. I feverishly tugged myself, i was a crazed artist, a painter of masterpieces, my penis was my brush, and he was my muse. I was hypnotized by his gaze and could not take my eyes of his as i held my body over the large frame.
My trance broke however when i heard a shriek from the door, and i turned to see my GF standing there, in a sexy nightie and a look on her face that personifies horror.
My knees buckled and fell to the bed as I tried to talk "Babe i..." when i suddenly released mounds of my pent up little soldiers all over her dads forehead and right cheek... on his tie and more. It just kept coming.
I turned to face her, to look her in the eyes and plead to her my sorrow, but my penis had unfinished business, as it continued to release glob after glob of my white nectar onto her cherished childhood teddy bear that she slept with every night "mr fuzzy".
She screamed for me to get out.
I stood up, kissed my fingers and placed them ever so gently on her fathers clean, and whispered under my breath "you complete me". I know it's just a picture and all, but at that moment his smile seemed to widen, or maybe just my mind playing tricks on me. His eyes were kinda covered in semen so it was hard to tell anyway.
As i passed her i paused, let out a wet fart and said "your apartment is kinda gay"
on the way out i stole an apple from her kitchen.
Sounds like something from some cheesy gay romance novel.
I really liked this girl, and we'd been on about 5 dates. We'd made out and stuff, but we hadn't slept together yet.
So on the 6th date, I decided to pull out all the stops. I rocked up to her place with flowers, took her to an expensive restaurant (steak) and then to a play that she'd been wanting to see. The play wasn't half bad, considering i never go to those things, but it made her especially happy.
After the play we walked to a cozy little bar and had some port. She was laughing and giggling, and talking about what a 'perfect night this is' and how she loved the play etc.
So that's when I said "The night doesn't have to end here". I think she got the hint because she gave me a wry smile and said "We can go to mine and watch tv or whatever, my flat mate is away until monday"
I thought "Score".
I really liked this girl, she was smart, pretty and fun.
We got to hers and she told me to pour myself a drink, while she went to get changed.
I helped myself to some jacks and found coke in the fridge, settled in on the couch and switched on the TV to see a rerun of one of the police academy films.
She came into the room wearing a long t shirt and boxer shorts. She took my drink from my hand and had a sip.
I said "what about a tour of your place" and she replied "sure"
We went to her bedroom, and she was saying something about it, when i grabbed her and kissed her. We sat on the bed and made out, and then she asked "do you have protection?"
I managed to say something like yeah, not sure, i was getting dizzy.
She told me to get ready and that she'd be right back.
I threw my gear off and got into her bed. When i noticed something really odd. It was a picture of her Dad hanging on her wall. Nothing odd about that usually, i'd met the guy and he seemed nice but, this was a big photo, maybe 1m by 1m handing on her wall, directly opposite her bed.
He was a young guy, with one of those permanent 5 o'clock shadows.
I don't know why i did this, but i took the frame off the wall and looked closely at it. It was a head and shoulders of him, he was in a navy blue suit.
I went back to bed and sat on the side, when she called out "wont be long" and i yelled back "no worries babe, take your time"
That's when a single tear escaped from me. I started to sob. I knew then, what I know now.
Sobbing like a kid who'd fallen off his bike, i placed the frame on her bed, with her dad facing up and positioned myself over him.
I began to stroke it like i'd never stroked it before. I wasn't myself. Or was I. Maybe I was Me for the first time ever. I feverishly tugged myself, i was a crazed artist, a painter of masterpieces, my penis was my brush, and he was my muse. I was hypnotized by his gaze and could not take my eyes of his as i held my body over the large frame.
My trance broke however when i heard a shriek from the door, and i turned to see my GF standing there, in a sexy nightie and a look on her face that personifies horror.
My knees buckled and fell to the bed as I tried to talk "Babe i..." when i suddenly released mounds of my pent up little soldiers all over her dads forehead and right cheek... on his tie and more. It just kept coming.
I turned to face her, to look her in the eyes and plead to her my sorrow, but my penis had unfinished business, as it continued to release glob after glob of my white nectar onto her cherished childhood teddy bear that she slept with every night "mr fuzzy".
She screamed for me to get out.
I stood up, kissed my fingers and placed them ever so gently on her fathers clean, and whispered under my breath "you complete me". I know it's just a picture and all, but at that moment his smile seemed to widen, or maybe just my mind playing tricks on me. His eyes were kinda covered in semen so it was hard to tell anyway.
As i passed her i paused, let out a wet fart and said "your apartment is kinda gay"
worst dates (have you all experienced either of the first 2?):
1. making a bad impression on a couple girls... (i didn't really like them anyways but it hurts to be the one who proves himself unworthy)
2. having a good time but being a nervous wreck... ending all attempts at a second date because I was too nervous on the first one
3. one time I went to a restaurant with a date. afterwards we went to see that prince caspian movie. I went to the restroom and took a dump. when I flushed the toilet it overflowed. I was on my tiptoes and I could tell from under the stall that the guy next to me had stepped up onto the toilet. I yelled a swear word and got myself out of there. actually, the rest of the date went fine but that bathroom scene was embarassing.
all in all the worst thing is that I haven't had a date in a long time and I have resorted to trying to meet girls on the internet. it doesnt help that i'm a chubby guy - that takes a notch down on my self-esteem when it comes to going out and meeting people the hard way (without the internet), also Im shy and I don't date fat chicks. (a bit of chub is fine with me). I have enough common sense to show cofidence on a date however. I just don't get many dates nowadays.
Oh the horror of bad dates... i have had many of those .. hard to choose which one is the worst! so here are some of them in no particular order:
1. Friend sets me up with this guitarist from some band and while she is making out with the drummer I am being chased around a vehicle in circles by this lizard tongue guy I didn't even like.. I swear he smelled like dog poo.
2. this guy I had known a while asks me out .. on this only date first he takes me to his parents house meet his parents and tells his parents he wants to make 10,000 babies with me. Then he calls his best friend and he comes over there and starts talking about how large my breasts are and how they are better than some other girl he dated and actually attmepts to take my shirt off to make sure. I had had enough of all of this and demanded to be taken back to my car. So instead of driving me there he takes me to his apartment when we got there I said okay fine I was leaving myself and was trying to take off to find a phone to call a cab because of course my cell phone wasn't working at the time.. so then he throws me over his shoulder and physically carried me into his apartment where he tells me I can;t leave because I was the girl he was going to marry .... well he wound up on the ground and I called a cab from the office at his apartments and never saw the guy again. ( thankfully)
3. 2nd date a guy stands on a barstool and asks me to marry him .. I ran out the door and took a cab as fast as I could.
4. I went out with this guy " Mike1 " from school once he was a nice guy and all but I just didn't "feel it" with him so i didn't go out with him again .. no big deal we were freindly after and everything.. just didn't want to date the guy.... years later I am dating a guy " Mark" were going out for a month or so and I go over to his place to watch movies one night and his best friend comes over who happens to be that mike guy I dated once in school.. well I didn't think it was all that big of a deal but he was acting all weird, crossing his arms, quiet.. you know bad body language... Well I thought I would be nice and make some chocolate chip cookies. and then wow another guy named mike2 I knew from school comes over to this guys house.. I was like oh wow this is funny that he is friends with these guys I knew from school and we are all sitting there watching the movies together and mike1 was being really short and tense for a bit and then it came down to the last cookie mark and mike1 both reaching for it and mark grabbed it and that was when all hell broke loose. Popcorn went everwhere and they were beating the crap out of each other blood everywhere .. just like that freaking nuts. mike2 and I were trying to make them stop it it was crazy. Mike1 was yelling at mark that he gets everything and all this crap. He then says " remember that girl I told you about ? that is her!" At that point I said I had enough of this BS and I left while they were still fighting .. mark tries to call me up later and act like nothing was wrong, but I decided that it was better that I not date him anymore .. That was crazy.. grown adults acting like that .. No Thanks.
5. This one guy kept giving me apples on my date .. by the time I left I had a dozen apples .. that totally creeped me out .. I think he was trying to be sweet or something because I told him I thought I was comming down with a cold .. but geeze talk about over doing things! never talked to him again either lol.
6. I went out with a group of friends once and there was this guy there named "Todd" well Todd and I talked for a bit no biggie right .. well then his friend calls me up and tells me I am Todds girlfriend... well then I am like wtf?! 2 days later i get a call from Todd's shrink and they ask me not to break up with Todd because he is suicidal and has expressed that he will kill himself if I do . I wasn't even dating this guy, never even went on a date with him talked to him for just a few min, now I have a shrink telling me I can't break up with the guy and wants me to come into a counseling session with him. I explained this to the shrink but they still wanted me to go to counseling with the guy .. I refused of course and never spoke to that Todd guy again .. that was just messed up.
7. I dated an OBGYN once ... seemed like a nice guy .. good looking... but then he turned into a total control freak.. wanted me to wear skirts around my ankles was all afraid of any guys looking at me whatsoever totally creepy.. the funny thing about this was that he looked at girls "parts" all day long for his job but he was afraid of guys seeing my legs! yea I told him where he could stuff it lol....
8. I was dating this for a few weeks , he was sending me flowers like every couple of days.. had a good sense of humor good looking nice guy .. so I thought .. then it got all weird.. when I talked to him he would tell me things that I did that day.. or the day before.. like what stores I shopped at like which dress to choose I had gone shopping and picked up 2 dresses and was looking at them in the mirror in front of me and he knew all about this .. things I had said to people .. it got really creepy. He was having me tailed! he had people following me around everywhere I went ! it was so messed up omg! That actually ended with a restraining order against him because he wouldn't go away after I broke it off.
9. Another stalker guy I went out with once kept putting movie posters and weird notes on my bedroom window while I slept. Yes, I would wake up to superman posters on my windows .. why are there so many creepy people in this world?!
10. Another "only date" this guy kept blowing his wad in his pants .. yes 3 times he said during dinner... I actually thought he was kidding... but when he stood up his pants were all wet. I didn't think that was really possible without touching . I left of course .... I mean geeze have no self control?!!!
Stalker 1 and stalker 2 "silly movie poster version"
The pre-pre-mature ejaculator (wad blower) Sounds like great movie material
"The dating adventures of Miss deviliscious"
LOL! I have been told by friends my life would make a good tv series. I have felt like my life was like a cartoon for a while now .. you should hear about the guys I didn't date lol! I have come to accept that if it can happen it probably will happen to me. It is a curse
Oh the horror of bad dates... i have had many of those .. hard to choose which one is the worst! so here are some of them in no particular order:
How could anyone possibly have that many bad dating experiences? You must be in the ultimate "unlucky in love" department. And your opening line says those are just "some of them". You've had more? So do these stories mean that you've given up on men altogether or have you finally found "Mr. Perfect"?
Anyway, you wouldn't have wanted to marry the gynecologist anyway. I heard a funny joke by a female comedien a few years back. She said, "I think I feel most sorry for the wives of gynecologists. After all, when one of them is in the mood for romance, she puts on her skimpy teddy and waits in the bedroom for her husband to come home. When he arrives, he walks in and she is laying there on the bed with that look in her eye. Exhausted, he says, 'Honey, if I have to look at another one of those tonight, I'm going to puke!'"
Oh the horror of bad dates... i have had many of those .. hard to choose which one is the worst! so here are some of them in no particular order:
How could anyone possibly have that many bad dating experiences? You must be in the ultimate "unlucky in love" department. And your opening line says those are just "some of them". You've had more? So do these stories mean that you've given up on men altogether or have you finally found "Mr. Perfect"?
Anyway, you wouldn't have wanted to marry the gynecologist anyway. I heard a funny joke by a female comedien a few years back. She said, "I think I feel most sorry for the wives of gynecologists. After all, when one of them is in the mood for romance, she puts on her skimpy teddy and waits in the bedroom for her husband to come home. When he arrives, he walks in and she is laying there on the bed with that look in her eye. Exhausted, he says, 'Honey, if I have to look at another one of those tonight, I'm going to puke!'"
devillicious, you have had the most worst dating experiences. mine don't compare. but I have to ask, are you a "nerd girl"... I know from "nerd girl" friends that they always seem to have the worst dating experiences - stalker/weirdo types especially - probably just because those types are attracted to or feel comfortable around nerd girls, I dunno.
5. This one guy kept giving me apples on my date .. by the time I left I had a dozen apples .. that totally creeped me out .. I think he was trying to be sweet or something because I told him I thought I was comming down with a cold .. but geeze talk about over doing things! never talked to him again either lol.
I tried to call and apologize. If it's any concellation, I never took mushrooms again.
Oh the horror of bad dates... i have had many of those .. hard to choose which one is the worst! so here are some of them in no particular order:
How could anyone possibly have that many bad dating experiences? You must be in the ultimate "unlucky in love" department. And your opening line says those are just "some of them". You've had more? So do these stories mean that you've given up on men altogether or have you finally found "Mr. Perfect"?
Anyway, you wouldn't have wanted to marry the gynecologist anyway. I heard a funny joke by a female comedien a few years back. She said, "I think I feel most sorry for the wives of gynecologists. After all, when one of them is in the mood for romance, she puts on her skimpy teddy and waits in the bedroom for her husband to come home. When he arrives, he walks in and she is laying there on the bed with that look in her eye. Exhausted, he says, 'Honey, if I have to look at another one of those tonight, I'm going to puke!'"
LOL! I have dated alot of guys simply because I didn't want to get married. I never had a guy break up with me, and yea I have had to run away from quite a few... I married the captain of the football team when I was 19.. he turned out to be whacked in the head and i finally told him to take whatever it takes to get rid of you and left for 3 days.. came back he had trashed the place but was gone forever .. (thankfully!) After that I have always considered marriage a dirty word.. I would not have wanted to marry the OBGYN or anyone else lol! See the thing is men are great and all, but I don't want them to hang around after.. they always want to like come in and take over a girls life.. and that is not for everyone. Some people like their life the way it is.
5. This one guy kept giving me apples on my date .. by the time I left I had a dozen apples .. that totally creeped me out .. I think he was trying to be sweet or something because I told him I thought I was comming down with a cold .. but geeze talk about over doing things! never talked to him again either lol.
I tried to call and apologize. If it's any concellation, I never took mushrooms again.
Originally posted by deviliscious
10. Another "only date" this guy kept blowing his wad in his pants .. yes 3 times he said during dinner... I actually thought he was kidding... but when he stood up his pants were all wet. I didn't think that was really possible without touching . I left of course .... I mean geeze have no self control?!!!
I apologize too, I guess I was just a little excited that evening.
devillicious, you have had the most worst dating experiences. mine don't compare. but I have to ask, are you a "nerd girl"... I know from "nerd girl" friends that they always seem to have the worst dating experiences - stalker/weirdo types especially - probably just because those types are attracted to or feel comfortable around nerd girls, I dunno.
What is your definition of a "nerd girl"? I mean I might be one at heart I think LOL! I was a cheerleader in school until my sophmore year of highschool when i was kicked off the squad for breaking another cheerleaders nose for telling me to pull my socks up... then I got into a fight with my parents and moved into my own apartment at 15 .. worked at the pizza local place and paid my bills by throwing keg parties on the weekend and charging a cover, though at school I was captain of my gymnastics team my junior and senior year, was a lifeguard, bartender, scouted bands and a gymnastics teacher in college ...I partied alot too .. from what most people thought of me I was considered a "partier" I threw parties every weekend with hundreds of people there all the time, I always had people passed out all over the place . Though I think I may be a nerd girl at heart I built my own computer, kick major ass pking on mmo's , If I don;t know something I look it up myself, I paint, draw, do sheet metal art, leather work, am currently working on metal acrylic and LED art (Though I hate role players those people creep me out! ) at the same time I am athletic, highly competitive, well dressed, involved in the community, attractive, drive my dads prostock car, love metal concerts, can't type worth a &%&^! , was in trouble at school ALOT, and have enough friends that I have to hide from them because I need my "down time" . So if a "nerd girl" is any girl that is intelligent and creative then YES I am one! LOL@!
5. This one guy kept giving me apples on my date .. by the time I left I had a dozen apples .. that totally creeped me out .. I think he was trying to be sweet or something because I told him I thought I was comming down with a cold .. but geeze talk about over doing things! never talked to him again either lol.
I tried to call and apologize. If it's any concellation, I never took mushrooms again.
Originally posted by deviliscious
10. Another "only date" this guy kept blowing his wad in his pants .. yes 3 times he said during dinner... I actually thought he was kidding... but when he stood up his pants were all wet. I didn't think that was really possible without touching . I left of course .... I mean geeze have no self control?!!!
I apologize too, I guess I was just a little excited that evening.
LMAO!!!!!!! You guys are cracking me up .. the scary thing is though It could be either one of you ... AHHHHHH@!! lol how am I to know? lmao!
Originally posted by deviliscious 10. Another "only date" this guy kept blowing his wad in his pants .. yes 3 times he said during dinner... I actually thought he was kidding... but when he stood up his pants were all wet. I didn't think that was really possible without touching . I left of course .... I mean geeze have no self control?!!! I apologize too, I guess I was just a little excited that evening.
Mind if I ask what you were having for dinner? I'd like to try some. Carry-out, of course.
He came at the door when I was painting and cleaning up a piece, which is my passion. *Knocks on the door*. I open the door with paint clothes with lots of spots.
-Oh hi, wow are you still getting dressed, we should be at X in 30 minutes.
-Yup, just a second.
-Ok, did you really need to mess around with paint before we leave?
-I don't mess around
-I can see that, might think about getting a real job so you can wear nice clothes.
He came at the door when I was painting and cleaning up a piece, which is my passion. *Knocks on the door*. I open the door with paint clothes with lots of spots. -Oh hi, wow are you still getting dressed, we should be at X in 30 minutes. -Yup, just a second. -Ok, did you really need to mess around with paint before we leave? -I don't mess around -I can see that, might think about getting a real job so you can wear nice clothes. *Silence* *10 minutes pass* -Are you coming? -No -....*his face turns angry*..why? .. -Because -Fine -Fine
I would have been like you could wear whatever you want to where we going, even the paint clothes.
Don't be terrorized! You're more likely to die of a car accident, drowning, fire, or murder! More people die every year from prescription drugs than terrorism LOL!
Comments
I took a girl to a party, then had her catch me making out with her best friend in my car =(
At age 28 I've just decided not to date anymore.... I'm going to stay away from women for as long as I can stand it.. hopefully forever. Five months ago I had a girl ruin my life... thats the second time that happened to me and this time I think I learned my lesson.... to all you younger folk.... watch out for women! To the ladies out there....
Grymm
MMO addict in recovery!
EQ,SWG preCU,L2,EQ2,GW,CoH/CoV,V:SOH,
Aion,AoC,TR,WAR,EVE,BP,RIFT,WoW and others... no more!
What the hell, I'll share.
I really liked this girl, and we'd been on about 5 dates. We'd made out and stuff, but we hadn't slept together yet.
So on the 6th date, I decided to pull out all the stops. I rocked up to her place with flowers, took her to an expensive restaurant (steak) and then to a play that she'd been wanting to see. The play wasn't half bad, considering i never go to those things, but it made her especially happy.
After the play we walked to a cozy little bar and had some port. She was laughing and giggling, and talking about what a 'perfect night this is' and how she loved the play etc.
So that's when I said "The night doesn't have to end here". I think she got the hint because she gave me a wry smile and said "We can go to mine and watch tv or whatever, my flat mate is away until monday"
I thought "Score".
I really liked this girl, she was smart, pretty and fun.
We got to hers and she told me to pour myself a drink, while she went to get changed.
I helped myself to some jacks and found coke in the fridge, settled in on the couch and switched on the TV to see a rerun of one of the police academy films.
She came into the room wearing a long t shirt and boxer shorts. She took my drink from my hand and had a sip.
I said "what about a tour of your place" and she replied "sure"
We went to her bedroom, and she was saying something about it, when i grabbed her and kissed her. We sat on the bed and made out, and then she asked "do you have protection?"
I managed to say something like yeah, not sure, i was getting dizzy.
She told me to get ready and that she'd be right back.
I threw my gear off and got into her bed. When i noticed something really odd. It was a picture of her Dad hanging on her wall. Nothing odd about that usually, i'd met the guy and he seemed nice but, this was a big photo, maybe 1m by 1m handing on her wall, directly opposite her bed.
He was a young guy, with one of those permanent 5 o'clock shadows.
I don't know why i did this, but i took the frame off the wall and looked closely at it. It was a head and shoulders of him, he was in a navy blue suit.
I went back to bed and sat on the side, when she called out "wont be long" and i yelled back "no worries babe, take your time"
That's when a single tear escaped from me. I started to sob. I knew then, what I know now.
Sobbing like a kid who'd fallen off his bike, i placed the frame on her bed, with her dad facing up and positioned myself over him.
I began to stroke it like i'd never stroked it before. I wasn't myself. Or was I. Maybe I was Me for the first time ever.
I feverishly tugged myself, i was a crazed artist, a painter of masterpieces, my penis was my brush, and he was my muse.
I was hypnotized by his gaze and could not take my eyes of his as i held my body over the large frame.
My trance broke however when i heard a shriek from the door, and i turned to see my GF standing there, in a sexy nightie and a look on her face that personifies horror.
My knees buckled and fell to the bed as I tried to talk "Babe i..." when i suddenly released mounds of my pent up little soldiers all over her dads forehead and right cheek... on his tie and more. It just kept coming.
I turned to face her, to look her in the eyes and plead to her my sorrow, but my penis had unfinished business, as it continued to release glob after glob of my white nectar onto her cherished childhood teddy bear that she slept with every night "mr fuzzy".
She screamed for me to get out.
I stood up, kissed my fingers and placed them ever so gently on her fathers clean, and whispered under my breath "you complete me". I know it's just a picture and all, but at that moment his smile seemed to widen, or maybe just my mind playing tricks on me. His eyes were kinda covered in semen so it was hard to tell anyway.
As i passed her i paused, let out a wet fart and said "your apartment is kinda gay"
on the way out i stole an apple from her kitchen.
----
MMORPG's I've Played: World of Warcraft: 10/10 - Rappelz: 7/10 - Ragnarok Online: 8/10 - DnD Online: 2/10 - Runescape: 6/10 - LotR Online: 5/10 - Anarchy Online: 7/10 - CoV: 8/10 - Rohan Online: 8/10 - Guild Wars: 7/10 - Flyff: 8/10 - Warhammer Online: 8/10
My HARDCORE Story
what the eff....?
you lie sir
Don't be terrorized! You're more likely to die of a car accident, drowning, fire, or murder! More people die every year from prescription drugs than terrorism LOL!
Sounds like something from some cheesy gay romance novel.
Sums it up for me pretty well.
Now with 57.3% more flames!
No, not at all.
Sums it up for me pretty well.
i second the motion! winner! high five! lol! i hate dating for now. i dont want to get into anything that could ruin my 12-hr daily freedom routine.
Don't feel bad, it happens to the best of us.
worst dates (have you all experienced either of the first 2?):
1. making a bad impression on a couple girls... (i didn't really like them anyways but it hurts to be the one who proves himself unworthy)
2. having a good time but being a nervous wreck... ending all attempts at a second date because I was too nervous on the first one
3. one time I went to a restaurant with a date. afterwards we went to see that prince caspian movie. I went to the restroom and took a dump. when I flushed the toilet it overflowed. I was on my tiptoes and I could tell from under the stall that the guy next to me had stepped up onto the toilet. I yelled a swear word and got myself out of there. actually, the rest of the date went fine but that bathroom scene was embarassing.
all in all the worst thing is that I haven't had a date in a long time and I have resorted to trying to meet girls on the internet. it doesnt help that i'm a chubby guy - that takes a notch down on my self-esteem when it comes to going out and meeting people the hard way (without the internet), also Im shy and I don't date fat chicks. (a bit of chub is fine with me). I have enough common sense to show cofidence on a date however. I just don't get many dates nowadays.
Oh the horror of bad dates... i have had many of those .. hard to choose which one is the worst!
so here are some of them in no particular order:
1. Friend sets me up with this guitarist from some band and while she is making out with the drummer I am being chased around a vehicle in circles by this lizard tongue guy I didn't even like.. I swear he smelled like dog poo.
2. this guy I had known a while asks me out .. on this only date first he takes me to his parents house meet his parents and tells his parents he wants to make 10,000 babies with me. Then he calls his best friend and he comes over there and starts talking about how large my breasts are and how they are better than some other girl he dated and actually attmepts to take my shirt off to make sure. I had had enough of all of this and demanded to be taken back to my car. So instead of driving me there he takes me to his apartment when we got there I said okay fine I was leaving myself and was trying to take off to find a phone to call a cab because of course my cell phone wasn't working at the time.. so then he throws me over his shoulder and physically carried me into his apartment where he tells me I can;t leave because I was the girl he was going to marry .... well he wound up on the ground and I called a cab from the office at his apartments and never saw the guy again. ( thankfully)
3. 2nd date a guy stands on a barstool and asks me to marry him .. I ran out the door and took a cab as fast as I could.
4. I went out with this guy " Mike1 " from school once he was a nice guy and all but I just didn't "feel it" with him so i didn't go out with him again .. no big deal we were freindly after and everything.. just didn't want to date the guy.... years later I am dating a guy " Mark" were going out for a month or so and I go over to his place to watch movies one night and his best friend comes over who happens to be that mike guy I dated once in school.. well I didn't think it was all that big of a deal but he was acting all weird, crossing his arms, quiet.. you know bad body language... Well I thought I would be nice and make some chocolate chip cookies. and then wow another guy named mike2 I knew from school comes over to this guys house.. I was like oh wow this is funny that he is friends with these guys I knew from school and we are all sitting there watching the movies together and mike1 was being really short and tense for a bit and then it came down to the last cookie mark and mike1 both reaching for it and mark grabbed it and that was when all hell broke loose. Popcorn went everwhere and they were beating the crap out of each other blood everywhere .. just like that freaking nuts. mike2 and I were trying to make them stop it it was crazy. Mike1 was yelling at mark that he gets everything and all this crap. He then says " remember that girl I told you about ? that is her!" At that point I said I had enough of this BS and I left while they were still fighting .. mark tries to call me up later and act like nothing was wrong, but I decided that it was better that I not date him anymore .. That was crazy.. grown adults acting like that .. No Thanks.
5. This one guy kept giving me apples on my date .. by the time I left I had a dozen apples .. that totally creeped me out .. I think he was trying to be sweet or something because I told him I thought I was comming down with a cold .. but geeze talk about over doing things! never talked to him again either lol.
6. I went out with a group of friends once and there was this guy there named "Todd" well Todd and I talked for a bit no biggie right .. well then his friend calls me up and tells me I am Todds girlfriend... well then I am like wtf?! 2 days later i get a call from Todd's shrink and they ask me not to break up with Todd because he is suicidal and has expressed that he will kill himself if I do . I wasn't even dating this guy, never even went on a date with him talked to him for just a few min, now I have a shrink telling me I can't break up with the guy and wants me to come into a counseling session with him. I explained this to the shrink but they still wanted me to go to counseling with the guy .. I refused of course and never spoke to that Todd guy again .. that was just messed up.
7. I dated an OBGYN once ... seemed like a nice guy .. good looking... but then he turned into a total control freak.. wanted me to wear skirts around my ankles was all afraid of any guys looking at me whatsoever totally creepy.. the funny thing about this was that he looked at girls "parts" all day long for his job but he was afraid of guys seeing my legs!
yea I told him where he could stuff it lol....
8. I was dating this for a few weeks , he was sending me flowers like every couple of days.. had a good sense of humor good looking nice guy .. so I thought .. then it got all weird.. when I talked to him he would tell me things that I did that day.. or the day before.. like what stores I shopped at like which dress to choose I had gone shopping and picked up 2 dresses and was looking at them in the mirror in front of me and he knew all about this .. things I had said to people .. it got really creepy. He was having me tailed! he had people following me around everywhere I went ! it was so messed up omg! That actually ended with a restraining order against him because he wouldn't go away after I broke it off.
9. Another stalker guy I went out with once kept putting movie posters and weird notes on my bedroom window while I slept. Yes, I would wake up to superman posters on my windows .. why are there so many creepy people in this world?!
10. Another "only date" this guy kept blowing his wad in his pants .. yes 3 times he said during dinner... I actually thought he was kidding... but when he stood up his pants were all wet
. I didn't think that was really possible without touching . I left of course .... I mean geeze have no self control?!!!
^That's comedy right
The stinky buttrocker band guy
Ex vs ex vs ex
The I want a baby factory
The I have a teacher fetish apple guy
Crazy Todd
the paraniod Gyno dood
Stalker 1 and stalker 2 "silly movie poster version"
The pre-pre-mature ejaculator (wad blower)
Sounds like great movie material
"The dating adventures of Miss deviliscious"
LOL! I have been told by friends my life would make a good tv series
. I have felt like my life was like a cartoon for a while now .. you should hear about the guys I didn't date lol! I have come to accept that if it can happen it probably will happen to me. It is a curse 
How could anyone possibly have that many bad dating experiences? You must be in the ultimate "unlucky in love" department. And your opening line says those are just "some of them". You've had more? So do these stories mean that you've given up on men altogether or have you finally found "Mr. Perfect"?
Anyway, you wouldn't have wanted to marry the gynecologist anyway. I heard a funny joke by a female comedien a few years back. She said, "I think I feel most sorry for the wives of gynecologists. After all, when one of them is in the mood for romance, she puts on her skimpy teddy and waits in the bedroom for her husband to come home. When he arrives, he walks in and she is laying there on the bed with that look in her eye. Exhausted, he says, 'Honey, if I have to look at another one of those tonight, I'm going to puke!'"
How could anyone possibly have that many bad dating experiences? You must be in the ultimate "unlucky in love" department. And your opening line says those are just "some of them". You've had more? So do these stories mean that you've given up on men altogether or have you finally found "Mr. Perfect"?
Anyway, you wouldn't have wanted to marry the gynecologist anyway. I heard a funny joke by a female comedien a few years back. She said, "I think I feel most sorry for the wives of gynecologists. After all, when one of them is in the mood for romance, she puts on her skimpy teddy and waits in the bedroom for her husband to come home. When he arrives, he walks in and she is laying there on the bed with that look in her eye. Exhausted, he says, 'Honey, if I have to look at another one of those tonight, I'm going to puke!'"
ROFL I always wondered about that.
/off-topic
You post count is 1337 (Leet)
devillicious, you have had the most worst dating experiences. mine don't compare. but I have to ask, are you a "nerd girl"... I know from "nerd girl" friends that they always seem to have the worst dating experiences - stalker/weirdo types especially - probably just because those types are attracted to or feel comfortable around nerd girls, I dunno.
I tried to call and apologize. If it's any concellation, I never took mushrooms again.
How could anyone possibly have that many bad dating experiences? You must be in the ultimate "unlucky in love" department. And your opening line says those are just "some of them". You've had more? So do these stories mean that you've given up on men altogether or have you finally found "Mr. Perfect"?
Anyway, you wouldn't have wanted to marry the gynecologist anyway. I heard a funny joke by a female comedien a few years back. She said, "I think I feel most sorry for the wives of gynecologists. After all, when one of them is in the mood for romance, she puts on her skimpy teddy and waits in the bedroom for her husband to come home. When he arrives, he walks in and she is laying there on the bed with that look in her eye. Exhausted, he says, 'Honey, if I have to look at another one of those tonight, I'm going to puke!'"
LOL! I have dated alot of guys simply because I didn't want to get married. I never had a guy break up with me, and yea I have had to run away from quite a few... I married the captain of the football team when I was 19.. he turned out to be whacked in the head and i finally told him to take whatever it takes to get rid of you and left for 3 days.. came back he had trashed the place but was gone forever .. (thankfully!
) After that I have always considered marriage a dirty word.. I would not have wanted to marry the OBGYN or anyone else lol! See the thing is men are great and all, but I don't want them to hang around after.. they always want to like come in and take over a girls life.. and that is not for everyone. Some people like their life the way it is.
I tried to call and apologize. If it's any concellation, I never took mushrooms again.
Originally posted by deviliscious
10. Another "only date" this guy kept blowing his wad in his pants .. yes 3 times he said during dinner... I actually thought he was kidding... but when he stood up his pants were all wet. I didn't think that was really possible without touching . I left of course .... I mean geeze have no self control?!!!
I apologize too, I guess I was just a little excited that evening.
What is your definition of a "nerd girl"? I mean I might be one at heart I think LOL! I was a cheerleader in school until my sophmore year of highschool when i was kicked off the squad for breaking another cheerleaders nose for telling me to pull my socks up... then I got into a fight with my parents and moved into my own apartment at 15 .. worked at the pizza local place and paid my bills by throwing keg parties on the weekend and charging a cover, though at school I was captain of my gymnastics team my junior and senior year, was a lifeguard, bartender, scouted bands and a gymnastics teacher in college ...I partied alot too .. from what most people thought of me I was considered a "partier" I threw parties every weekend with hundreds of people there all the time, I always had people passed out all over the place
. Though I think I may be a nerd girl at heart I built my own computer, kick major ass pking on mmo's , If I don;t know something I look it up myself, I paint, draw, do sheet metal art, leather work, am currently working on metal acrylic and LED art 
(Though I hate role players those people creep me out! ) at the same time I am athletic, highly competitive, well dressed, involved in the community, attractive, drive my dads prostock car, love metal concerts, can't type worth a &%&^! , was in trouble at school ALOT, and have enough friends that I have to hide from them because I need my "down time" . So if a "nerd girl" is any girl that is intelligent and creative then YES I am one! LOL@!
I tried to call and apologize. If it's any concellation, I never took mushrooms again.
Originally posted by deviliscious
10. Another "only date" this guy kept blowing his wad in his pants .. yes 3 times he said during dinner... I actually thought he was kidding... but when he stood up his pants were all wet. I didn't think that was really possible without touching . I left of course .... I mean geeze have no self control?!!!
I apologize too, I guess I was just a little excited that evening.
LMAO!!!!!!! You guys are cracking me up .. the scary thing is though It could be either one of you ... AHHHHHH@!! lol how am I to know? lmao!
Mind if I ask what you were having for dinner? I'd like to try some. Carry-out, of course.
He came at the door when I was painting and cleaning up a piece, which is my passion. *Knocks on the door*. I open the door with paint clothes with lots of spots.
-Oh hi, wow are you still getting dressed, we should be at X in 30 minutes.
-Yup, just a second.
-Ok, did you really need to mess around with paint before we leave?
-I don't mess around
-I can see that, might think about getting a real job so you can wear nice clothes.
*Silence*
*10 minutes pass*
-Are you coming?
-No
-....*his face turns angry*..why? ..
-Because
-Fine
-Fine
I would have been like you could wear whatever you want to where we going, even the paint clothes.
Don't be terrorized! You're more likely to die of a car accident, drowning, fire, or murder! More people die every year from prescription drugs than terrorism LOL!
lol