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One of the best satirical threads on the official D3 forums...
simplyawful
Member Posts: 84
If you're a huge fan of the game, don't read on, because it has some pretty heavy satire going on in it.
I know two threads by the same person is a bit much, but I couldn't let this gem of a post remain unknown.
Again, this is for players who don't mind satire or criticism of the game, or are old players like myself and have the same issues.
The original link is here: http://us.battle.net/d3/en/forum/topic/5592451390?page=1
Hopefully it won't be deleted, but just in case it is, here is the post:
Please make Diablo 4 Simpler, by MasterKnives
I really like the direction diablo 3 took from it's previous game. And I really want to see that direction continued so here are my suggestions.
1. One Class, this will eliminate the confusion of having to choose from 5 classes, many of the classes play similar either through a requirement of having to kite or the melee classes getting one shotted in inferno. Having just one class, with a gun in one hand, and a sword in the other ensures we can do both, with a generic skill set that isn't too scary or complicated.
2. Remove all stats. I feel that the concept of having actual stat point is way too much for the average console gamer to handle. Diablo 3 really dumbed down the stats, but i don't think it was dumbed down enough. Stats just add complex numbers to the game, numbers I don't like looking at.
3. Only one item slot for your equipped items. Instead of having all these complicated different items like boots and helmets, drops should come in "Kits" that just include everything. You can double click the kit to equip the entire suit of armor and weapon. I feel that this would be a huge improvement over the current system and would allow console gamers to fully grasp the fundamentals of a super in depth rpg hack and slash.
4. Require an Xbox controller, disable the keyboard, nobody likes using keyboards I know i don't.
5. Remove drops, I feel that when I'm fighting a mob and hoping for a good drop my heart rate slightly elevates in anticipation for an item I could use. Of course the item is 10 levels below my character level and isn't even suitable for my class, but that excitement/disappointment roller coaster you folks put me through every time I kill a blue or a yellow mob could be damaging for my health.
Instead, have a random item appear in your inventory every 10 minutes, or 5 minutes if people pay a monthly subscription fo 15 dollars. I feel that the value and fairness of a system like this would create a more enjoyable atmosphere.
6. Require people to log in diablo 4 at a certified blizzard gaming station.
Instead of having us be online from home, which is confusing, you should open computer cafe's across the world, where people have to go to log into the game. Of course only so many people can fit into a building, much like the current situation with diablo III, so it's pretty much the same thing.
7. Remove gold, make the total games economy real money related. Playing a game to suspend my reality for making riches is too much for me to handle. I would rather gamble my real money on a day to day basis.
8. Remove bosses. I Really think blizzard did a good job with making the bosses of diablo III 100% worthless to fight again after you've done them the first time in the difficulty. The idea of having a big confrontation at the end of a dungeon for the opportunity to find some loot is completely 100% unfun to me, and honestly I would rather not do it.
So instead I think a 10 minute trivia or math test should be in order for the character to progress to the next act. That way if I'm going to be enduring 10-20 minutes of boredom with no real end result, I can at least learn something in the time I've wasted doing a boss fight.
9. Reduce the plot further, having just under 3 minutes of cinematics has taught me that plot driving a game is a very bad thing. Obviously the reason we've been waiting for over a decade is because of the time and effort put into the cut scenes. I feel that removing the plot completely should only make the development cycle for diablo 4, 6 years instead of 12.
EA I hope you consider my game changes. I'm sorry I meant blizzard.
Thanks for your time.
Comments
If this is the best, I'd hate to see a bad satire. #8 was kinda funny I guess...
Sounds like he's buttmad, TBH. The satire is missing funny - might want to tell him to get on that. It plays more like 'I'm furious that Diablo 3 didn't fulfill my dreams' instead of actual satire.
And just to knock it down, don't worry - I agree that Diablo 3 is fucking terrible.
Really, why? Why do you think it is fucking terrible?
No need to wait for Diablo 4. This is what the expansion is going to be like.
What a crap thread, the official forums have some great threads, some TRULY entertaining and whimsical posters, this isn't one of them.
One mans gold is another mans faeces i guess.
Expresso gave me a Hearthstone beta key.....I'm so happy
dont mind the blizzard fanboys/trolls, the post is fun and insightful.
I wouldn't call this satire... he's overdoing it.
It's not raging. It's not an orginal post on this forum. It's not even his post. What does being "good" have anything to do with it? What does playing on Inferno have to deal with the post? I'm chilled.
Anyways, the post was a nice 8/10 on the funny scale, with 8 being the whammy of the post. Interesting nonetheless and actually true on many fronts.
I like the game, just not in love like previous installments.
Have to take off points for stating in one bullet that drops should be changed to "kits", then saying there should be no drops....