EQ - and the Ten Cat Commandments

Wepps · September 2005

While playing this morning, the cat was being bold again so I started laying down the commands on him as he got himself into things.

It then occurred to me that what he required was The Ten Cat Commandments, so I wrote them for him.

Much like the human response to our version, he took immediately to chasing them around the room and nibbling on them, and generally ignoring their holy import.

Anyways, here they are...(these are just a few of the common issues cropping up with my kitten here)

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I - Thou shalt not cry to thine master noisily when thou hast gotten thyself lost in the garbage can.

II - Thou shalt not leap upon the porcelain seat in thy youth, or thou shalt surely go for a ride to the river.

III - Thou shalt refrain from chewing on the TV cable, the Internet Cable, and the Power Cable, or much grief shall befall you.

IV - Thou shalt not leap upon thy master's throne as his keister is descending toward it, or thou shalt surely die.

V - Thou shalt not awaken thy master in his anger by pouncing upon the crotch at daybreak.

VI - Thou shalt not presume to chew upon the master's toes whilst he is busy fighting in Lower Guk, or thou shalt witness the book descending from heaven.

VII - Thou shalt not lift thy leg over thine head in mixed company, or thou shalt find the closet thine home for the duration.

VIII - Thou shalt not covet the neighbor's cat, or the relative's cat, or the acquaintance's cat, or thou shalt find thy butt in a sling.

IX - Thou shalt not yank the pork chop from thy master's plate, or thou shalt contemplate thine error in flight.

X - Thou shalt not lay in wait around the corner for thy master's feet before he has had coffee, or one-ninth of thine life will be forfeit.