Howdy, Stranger!
It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!
Quick Links
Do you get Spousal or Family Aggro over Gaming.
shamus252
Member UncommonPosts: 226
I'm a married adult and I get nagged all the time about playing video games. I'm curious as to how many get/suffer aggro from your significant other or family while trying to play a game, or over gaming habits!
Myself I don't play anything really till after the wife and kids are in bed but that's still not enough cause wife will wake up an hr or so after she goes to bed and come out and nag me to death. Made a little video talking about it some also.
Sic semper tyrannis "Democracy broke down, not when the Union
ceased to be agreeable to all its constituent States, but when it was upheld, like any other Empire, by force of arms."
Comments
I suffered quite a bit while living at home with my parents during college, to the point it hurt the enjoyment of playing. Because I was studying IT in school I was on the computer pretty much always for studying/assignments. At the time I was also pretty into WoW as with the majority of my RL friends played together and we were separated by a one to four hour drive depending who. It was how we kept in touch and what made the game fun.
Having moved out and living with my wife-to-be over close to a year now. I haven't gotten anything from her at all. Ever. If she's busy doing something I'm not too interested in. I'll pull out the laptop and play on the couch beside her or wander off to the desktop upstairs.
Granted there hasn't been anything out lately that I would seriously want to be plugged into 24/7 to test this to the extreme. But she is very easy going and has told me that she will give me a gentle poke if I ever get too over involved in it, but understands it's a fun hobby and doesn't want me to miss out on it if it's something I like.
We're pretty much a gaming family, so everyone knows the rules here, and the rules of interaction change based on what game is being played.
FPS/MOBA - say "lemme know when that match is over" and wait for nod or other gesture of acknowledgement, then check back in about 15 or 20 minutes in case they "forgot"
Driving/Sports Games - see FPS/MOBA
MMO - if they're grinding, just mention the time. If they're raiding, back away slowly and leave. If they're me well, gee, just interrupt his ass because it's not possible he's doing anything important at all.
RPG - walk over, watch them play, roll up a chair and start asking questions, watch them play more, realize a half hour has passed and you've long since forgotten why you wandered in there.
Minecraft - "Okay, just ten more minutes" is the answer you will get.... over and over... every time you peek in there. If you see Minecraft on the screen, just go do something else.
Garry's Mod - see Minecraft
Civ and turn-based sims - you can easily get their attention and address any issue you'd like for as long as you like, but keep in mind they are still planning their next move/attack/expansion/upgrade in their head and not really listening to a damn thing you're saying right now.
There isn't a "right" or "wrong" way to play, if you want to use a screwdriver to put nails into wood, have at it, simply don't complain when the guy next to you with the hammer is doing it much better and easier. - Allein
"Graphics are often supplied by Engines that (some) MMORPG's are built in" - Spuffyre
Not really, she get's that way more about me working constantly.
We both got our own hobby's but also share allot of things we do together.
There are day's she might have plans with girlfriends and if I have the time I sqeeze some game time in there for myself.
Other times I might have this new game and it's weekend, she already knows I might spend some hours playing that game, she has plenty of things she can do and will do. Talking about fun things only here for her. She can be absorbed by a book she bought for hours. My count on books is maybe about 1 or 2 a year, games on the other hand a "little" more hehe.
Like every houshold we might occasionaly have some issue's/arguments but they never involve gaming, often as said it's more "why you working that much" which isn't meant in instead spending time with her because we do plenty. But it's more a health related worry she has. I have to admit 12 to 16 hours a day isn't alway's healthy (doesn't happen every day of course)
I do however remember the time before I run several businesses. I was a free-lance sound-engineer aka producer (these day's) A few hours work granted me a full month income (and more sometimes) That was a time that my wife (then girlfriend) did complain about me gaming. There could be day's or even weeks before project where given so had plenty of "free" time.
So overal I think it's about how much time you actuallly spend playing compared to spending time on the wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend en the rest of real life obligations. if you find a nice balance you'll be set, if not try to find that balance.
Yeah, used to get it real bad when I played games in my office, to the point she was dropping ultimatums about choosing between either her or gaming.
In order that my children would not miss their mother, I went out and bought my first gaming laptop and started gaming while sitting along side her while she watches her TV programs.
I've learned to largely fake interest in whatever is on TV, and respond with a series of generic responses such as, wow, that's [chose one] (amazing) (terrible) (so sad) (interesting) (etc) which largely works except when I screw it up and say "that's sad" when it was a happy story or something. Then I get "you're not really watching this program are you?" to which I have to fess up and claim it was a very critical point in the game or something.
It's largely worked though I still get complaints about not going to bed at the same time as her, but it does mean I can't really game on a sweet desk-top rig with 3 monitors in front of me. Pity.
Oh well, we've made our peace, though my daughters both swear they will never marry a man who enjoys playing video games, guess some damage can't be undone.
Perhaps I should have just drunk myself into a stupor like my parents used to do every night?
"True friends stab you in the front." | Oscar Wilde
"I need to finish" - Christian Wolff: The Accountant
Just trying to live long enough to play a new, released MMORPG, playing New Worlds atm
Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions. Pvbs 18:2, NIV
Don't just play games, inhabit virtual worlds™
"This is the most intelligent, well qualified and articulate response to a post I have ever seen on these forums. It's a shame most people here won't have the attention span to read past the second line." - Anon
I don't fight with my wife about it anymore. We've come to an agreement about when and were I play. There's no point in making each other suffer and there is lots of time during the day where you don't have to be doing something with each other. You just have to make sure that when you're off the computer you're off it...not still in la la land thinking about it.
I think if it's always going to be a point of contention where you're sneaking around trying to get gaming in or they're always upset about it, it's only a matter of time before it ends. Even though you think you're getting away with it, the resentment builds over time.
Funny thing is with mine is she hates me playing video game and she hates it when I let the kids play, but she will be all AHH bla bla show is on tonight let's watch it as a family. So we watch said show or movie and if you turn your head a pay attention to her, she spends the hole show/movie playing Candy Crush/Words with Friends or on Facebook from her phone. Yet when I call her a hypocrite she goes into broken record mode and rags my ass for hours.
Sic semper tyrannis "Democracy broke down, not when the Union
ceased to be agreeable to all its constituent States, but when it was upheld, like any other Empire, by force of arms."
Seems like a double standard there. Have you considered finding a game that you both like to play? That might ease things up a bit for you. Shame on you, though, for not marrying a geek girl or gamer chick!
There isn't a "right" or "wrong" way to play, if you want to use a screwdriver to put nails into wood, have at it, simply don't complain when the guy next to you with the hammer is doing it much better and easier. - Allein
"Graphics are often supplied by Engines that (some) MMORPG's are built in" - Spuffyre
Every spouse and situation is going to be different. However, try to find a compromise. Since gaming is pretty much a hobby, at least I assume it is for most of us though some here on this site seem to treat it more as a second job, then maybe you both can find a hobby for her to do while you play. My wife will just read a book, play Candy Crush on her iPad or start facebooking. When that happens I slip away to my man-cave and start playing, but that is the compromise we have. Not all women will understand that gaming can be a hobby and I must have burned through about four girlfriends to figure that out (yeh I'm a slow learner).
Over all, all I can say is best of luck. It sucks when feeling guilty about a hobby, but it also sucks when your significant other won't let you have one at all.
"If I offended you, you needed it" -Corey Taylor
If your girlfriend or wife is nagging you about gaming, just leave her or start being a man and don't be afraid to tell her the truth: she knew you were a gamer and who is she to tell you that you can't do what you enjoy?
I was once with such a girl and that only lasted till she started complaining about me gaming, and I've never even played more than maybe ten hours a week at most. I asked her what was the difference between playing games and watching TV, she couldn't answer me. Ironic.
My girlfriend that I've been with for five years now is the opposite. I knew her for years before we started dating and I never knew she played games, but she's actually playing way more than I do. Sometimes if she has the day off and I come home from work, I'll find her in the sofa playing Skyrim, and I probably won't have to ask if she has been doing that the entire day
My wife is fine with it as long as I help out around the house some and spend time with her.
No offense to your wife, but you did bring this to the forums, she sounds a bit controlling. It may be time to man up and have the coming to jesus meeting with her.
The way I explained it to my wife is that many men are out in bars, strip clubs, gambling, drinking, cheating, ect. I am here with the family, not out getting into trouble, available at any time for the family and household needs. Most other mens hobbies keep them away from home or out of the house i.e. hunting, fishing, cars, bikes, whatever. Gaming I am around the house and overall its a cheap hobby. She was pretty much on board with that and I never hear anything negative, she likes that I am home and have such a tame hobby.
She has her own chair in my gaming room, will come in, read a book, do her nails, chat with her friends, ect in there with me. No issues what so ever.
Maybe try that approach. If that doesnt work then my advice is to turn off the TV / PC one night and hash it out one way or the other. Being miserable is no way to live and even a heated discussion can many times alleviate some tension and bring understanding when its all over.
Good luck
When I got my first computer about 7 years ago now I did get a bit obsessed with PWI and would stay up till 2-3am. I cut back a lot after a long discussion with the missus.
She wasn't particularly happy with that, and pulled me on about it again a few months later. At the time she was heavily into various American sit-coms. After another long discussion where I pointed out that she should be happy I'm not sitting down at the pub with my mates and that maybe she could take a long hard look at the junk she was watching on television, it made her mellow a lot.
Its important to let your partner understand why you play games. My missus knows I'm at her beck and call basically, but that during any downtime my preferred time waster is gaming and reading. I intensely dislike most television programs. I have been reading fantasy novels since I was a little kid and gaming is like an extension of that for me where you immerse yourself in the story.
If your gaming is making other areas of your life suffer, you need to change your habits but if its your 'thing' when the time is yours you need to communicate with your partner about the reasons you do it.
That is kind of funny, my wife actually said something very close to that to a couple of her friends. Basically would you rather him be at a bar wasting money, when he could drink (if he drank more than 2 anyways) get a DUI/OVI on his way home, or would you rather your husband be on the computer so you could go out and have time?
Your spouse regardless of sex if they don't have the same passion will about gaming, but enjoy Tv more (which seems to be the common spousal "activity" (if we can call it that)) the best approach is get a laptop, and settle right beside her. I'll throw a headset on depending on the craptasticky of the show, and after she is fast asleep I'll go down to my real rig to play some more intense stuff.
It's a mixed bag and loads of compromise is necessary. I was a WoW widow years ago but turned it around. I've known lots of folks (mostly guys) who have problems with gaming agro. So here are some of my observations:
I had this with my Ex.
I went to work 60 hours a week. I'd cook, clean, put our daughter to bed when we got back. Every Friday we went out. Every Sunday we went out with our daughter. But it wasnt enough.
What I couldnt comprehend. Was how its perfectly acceptable for her to sit and watch TV all day, yet it was unacceptable for me to play games..
I dont watch TV, it bores me, your lucky if I can get through a film. Yet her idea of us spending time together is doing that.
I offered to buy her a PC, so we could play games together. I know she likes games as we used to play Rift together when we first starting dating. But we couldnt afford it.
For her she wanted me in bed with her for cuddles. She wanted me in the same room so we could interact and talk. With all the working I did, we actually on a weekly basis spent very little time together with the gaming, so I understood where she was coming from but.
But for me, I dont relax watching TV or a film. Nothing helps me forget about the worries and drama's of a day, then playing a game for 3 hours uninterupted. Its like therapy to me, im recharged and ready for the next day.
That said theres gotta be a bit of give and take. You playing whilst she's in bed after all is done and you've been a responsible parent. To me thats fair enough, you've done what you need to do, and she needs to be told to do one.
Hence the reason that girl is now my Ex.
---
It's all about balance.
That the game married people are really playing.
However, always remember the number one rule:
A happy wife... is a happy life.
- playing video games is unacceptable to my family they keep saying grow up as if that means anything.
- for them going out and wasting hundreds of euro's on fucking alcohol every time they go out is totally acceptable.
- me buying Guild Wars 2 was a huge waste of money, go figure !
They say you know its an addiction when it starts affecting your relationships and responsibilities.
To that I just say 'what relationships? and the only reason I have responsibilities is because I dont have piles of money like charlie sheen.
With that said, over the years people I have known are warming up to the idea that people game. In fact, I just got to a point where I am more open about talking about it and basically thinking anyone who frowns on it as certified stupid
Please do not respond to me, even if I ask you a question, its rhetorical.
Please do not respond to me