Looking for Burnt Woods

Odenathus

Gah! I'm having problems with the "search" feature...

Can someone find me a link to the story of "Burnt Woods"?!

I know it's been posted in the forum, here, but I can't seem to hit on a search word to find it and I've gone through about 8 pages by page... looking for it..

Thanks

Odenathus

HAH! I found it. Just so you know, what I was asking for;

---

So there I was.....minding my own business in The Overthere, when all of a sudden I see the message: "d00d sow plz".

Of course, my natural instinct was not to answer, since I thought the clueless newb (hereafter referred to politely as "the petitioner") must have been poorly informed at best.

Boy was I ever wrong.

I switch out of 1st person into an external camera, and what did my wandering eyes behold? Only myself and the petitioner.

So I says to myself...."Self? You need to edumacate this fella!"

(Keep in mind what the overall setting looked like: There I was, in skeleton form, carrying a scythe, FLOATING IN MIDAIR IN A MEDITATING POSITION, with a LARGE dark-brown skeleton named "Gibober" standing behind me. Ummm....No, skippy, I'm not a druid or a shaman.)

I say "Wish I could, bro, but I don't have SoW. I'm a Necromancer."

The Petitioner says, "$#*&@#$ dick, sow me already! it's for a cr"

Feeling as if my feathers had been ruffled a bit, I do a "/who all dumbass" (um..pardon..I meant "/who all petitioner")

This is where I discovered the "/who all" bug. Certainly it must have been a bug, right? There's NO WAY IN CREATION the dumbas...err...petitioner could have been a level 31 Dark Elf Wizard, right???? RIGHT????? /em begins to cry like a little girl.

Well, needless to say, I couldn't have been any more shocked than if my pet began dancing an Irish Jig. I quickly begin the arduous task of maintaining my composure, while deciding how best to deal with this tricky situation.

I say, "Necromancer's can't cast SoW".

Petitioner says, "Bull@#$%! you cast a spell while you were running and you sped up! i couldn't catch you until you sat down! if you're not going to sow me just say so you dont have to be a dick about it a$$hole"

Yes I know....he didn't use any punctuation in that last sentence.

I say, "I have JBoots."

He says, "what are they"

Before I have a chance to pick my chin up off the floor....

Petitioner asks, "can you buff my hps my hp sux"

I say, "I can't buff you, dude. I'm a necromancer. I only have one buff that you would probably want."

He says, "yeah the one you won't give me dick"

Ok. Time to have fun with the hopelessly clueless.

I say, "Why do you need a sow?"

He says, "i need to get to burned woods to hunt. sumbody said its perfect for my level"

Yep. That's what he said......"burned woods".

I say, "man are you ever in the wrong place."

He says, "?"

Apparently he found the "question mark" key conveniently located nearby other various and sundry communication facilitators.

I didn't answer him.

He repeats, "??"

Found it twice...good for him.

He repeats, "???"

Having an IQ greater than plantlife, I sensed a pattern forming.

I say, "You are NO WHERE near Burned Woods."

He says, "my friend told me it was in kunark"

I say, "Yeah, the operative word there is 'WAS'. There was a major patch a couple of months ago after a bunch of complaints were filed about 'static content'."

He says, "?"

I say, "!"

He says, "?"

I say, ","

He says, "wtf"

I say, "no, already have some."

He says, "????"

I don't respond.

He says, "so where the @#$% is burned woods"

He lost the question mark button again. Probably popped off when he was sniffing his feet.

I say, "Well, THIS week it's south of Freeport. It changes with every patch, since they began randomizing zone locations."

My guild is hysterical at this point. And I haven't even told them the ENTIRE story yet. Just snippets.

He says, "@#$% i just got off the boat"

I say, "You don't need the boat."

He says "why"

I say, "You're a wizard!"

He says, "how you know that"

I say, "I did a /wh...nevermind....the important thing is you have teleportation spells."

He says, "oh yeah the green ones"

I nod.

I say, "Yep. The 'green ones'. Pretty nice how you have them grouped by color."

He says, "thx"

I say, "How'd you think about doing it that way?"

He says, "they were all @#$%## up when i got this char"

I say, "Sit down and mem the spell 'Fay Gate'."

He says, "why"

Question mark key is on the ground in front of your chair, guy. Mixed in with your collection of boogers.

I say, "It's going to put you within spitting distance of Burned Woods."

He says, "how do you know"

I say, "All patch messages come with a zone connection map."

He says, "oh"

I say, "Ok. You have it memmed now?"

He had just stood up after what I assumed was meditating/looking at his spell book.

He says, "yeah"

I say, "Ok. Cast the spell and let me know when you get there."

Dumba...errr....Petitioner begins to cast a spell.

A LONG time goes by.....ok, maybe 5 minutes
I still haven't heard from him.

Getting curious:

I tell petitioner, "Are you there yet?"

No reply. No reply at all. [Yes, I'm a Genesis fan... ]

Obviously he's there, or my tell wouldn't have gone through.

I tell petitioner, "Hit the 'r' key to reply to me."

He replies, "i'm here now where do i go."

Right idea....wrong punctuation mark. Oh well. "C" for effort.

I tell petitioner, "Ok, do you see a hotkey on the screen that says 'Sense Heading'?"

He replies, "no"

I reply, "Hit the arrow buttons one by one until you see one."

It was a guess, but an educated one.

He replies, "found it"

I reply, "Click on it."

He replies, "north"

I reply, "Ok, you need to head east along the path. Keep going until the path turns north. When it forks to the right, take the right fork."

He replies, "ok"

Who knows, maybe the guy who sold his account on Ebay worked his Felwithe faction up.

He replies, "sumbody told me i shouldnt be here cause i'm a dark elf"

I reply, "They were roleplaying."

He replies, "oh hehe @#$%@#$ morons ;P"

Priceless. Utterly priceless, I tell you.

I reply, "Where are you?"

He replies, "i see something now. looks like a castle"

I reply, "Run into the castle as fast as you can. The guards might give you some trouble, just keep running."

Yeah...damned conscience started kicking in.

A fairly long period of time passes. Not sure how long, but longer than I was expecting.

I tell petitioner, "What happened?"

As if I didn't know....

He replies, "my spells are gone!"

I reply, "What happened?"

He replies, "i died why"

I reply, "Oh man! Did I tell you to run east or west?"

He replies, "east wtf???"

I reply, "Yikes. My bad. You should have run west."

He replies, "?"

I reply, "So where are you now?"

He replies, "how can i tell"

I reply, "Look right after you see 'Loading please wait'. It should tell you 'You have entered [zone]'."

He replies "it doesnt say [zone] there."

After smacking my head against my monitor....

I reply, "What does it say in place of [zone]?".

Get this....

He replies, "Burning Woods"

I nearly fell out of my chair! I couldn't have PLANNED it that way!

He replies, "is that the same as burned woods"

I reply, "No, but you're close. Start running south so you can get your corpse back."

He replies, "i have to get my corpse back?????"

/ignore petitioner

Moral of the story: EBay...Just Say No!

Out of sheer curiosity, I took him off ignore later to find out what happened.

I tell petitioner, "How's it going?"

He replies, "wtf? where you been"

I reply, "been afk, sorry."

He replies, "got my corpse back. some dude rezzed me."

My conscience somewhat eased...

I reply, "Really? Cool! Where are you now?"

He replies, "iceclad ocean"

I scratch my head a few times.

I reply, "Why Velious?"

He replies, "the guy that rezzed me told me burned woods was in western wastes this week"

I don't recall exactly how long it took me to stop laughing. I stopped breathing shortly before my dog dialed 911.

He replied, "@#$%&;* wouldnt sow me either. what is that sh#$ gold?"

That's what finally killed me. I'm writing this from the afterlife.

---

tigris67

Ah I read that somewhere. It was hilarious! How someone can be that stupid, I just cannot understand.  I've never run into anyone that rude,stubborn, and ignorant in my entire life and I played for 5 years.

neschria

I met someone in East Commons who couldn't figure out how to get to West Commons. (Here's a clue. This is East. That is West. )

I ran into a level 40 paladin who was spamming Lull over and over while fighting. She was the tank in the group.

I've run into all sorts of things that made me say, "hmmm". 

bobdog

I once had a /pet put on me for "Group Stealing"

Aevax

More parts to the story.. a friend of mine sent it to me awhile back and i found it saved on my computer still..  so thought i'd post it here

Part 2

 

Here comes some idiot Dark Elf running past me, running straight down the road that is going to lead him to Felwithe. I scratch my head, and being the nosey sort of Dwarf that I am...I send him a tell.

I tell the DE, "Wait"

DE tells me, "?"

I sigh into my ale as I take another longt draught off of it before running up to him and saying, "Ye really don't wanna go messin around over there with them High Elves' They look like pansies, but they aint."

The DE stands there with a vacant look on his face for a few minutes before just running away. Do a /who on the DE and find out he's 31st level. Ok, so maybe he knows what he's doing. I've seen Ogres in North Freeport, after all. I go back to drinking my ale.

Out of curiosity, I send him another tell a few minutes later.

I tell the DE, "Not gettin' into any trouble over there are ye?"

DE tells me, "**** !@#$% roleplayer"

I sigh into my ale again, finishing it off. Ah, tis the season of the twit. I stand up and head towards Felwithe to resupply my ale.

Just as I get to the gates of the ugliest city on Norrath, what do I find but a dead dark elf and a pair of guards snickering and cleaning their weapons. Now this is priceless.

I do a /who on the poor soul and see he is in Burning Woods. Being the sucker that I am, I feel compelled to rez the twit...after all, I am a !@#$% roleplayer and I roleplay a !@#$% cleric...albeit a !@#$% grumpy one.

I sit down to mem Reviviscene and while I am waiting for it to refresh I send the DE a tell.

I tell the DE, "Would ye like a rez?"

DE tells me, "no i want a !@#$% sow dumbas i have to run south to get my corpse back so dont be a **** and just sow me plz"

I look around for an ale but unfortunatly Brell hates me at this moment in time, so I simply reply. "If I rez ya, ye wont need to run south to yer body. You will appear at yer body. I am not standing near you, I am standing near yer corpse."

DE tells me, "d00d rez plz"

As I sigh I look at my Holy Symbol of Brell and sigh "I'm gonna get a stout named after me right?" and I tell the DE "Consent me so I can rez ya" but I get no reply. No reply at all. So I say it again "Consent me so I can rez ya"

DE tells me, "ok you can rez me"

I sit down again at this point. I have no ale and this is gonna take awhile. I tell the DE, "Type /consent and my name" Being a smart dwarf I tell the DE, "/consent Cleric_01" and say again "Just like that" before he can make my head hurt more.

Sure enough, I receive consent to drag his corpse. So I stand up and get ready to drag the corpse when suddenly I am denied permission to drag his corpse. I begin to think like him and I think "***?" So I tell the DE, "No...just type it once. One more time. That's it. Dont type it again" thinking that as soon as I get this over with, I can go buy more ale and my head will stop hurting.

I receive consent and I quickly drag it towards the zone since this is the direction the guy was going anyway. I get the body by the zone and cast Rez on it, comforted by the fact that I am one heal away from being done with this guy.

The naked DE appears in front of me and I stand up to cast my final spell of this exchange when he says to me "your that !@#%% roleplayer" and then a moment later, almost as an afterthought "thx"

Compelled at this point, I ask "Why were you running into Felwithe when you are KoS?"

DE says, "I was going to burned woods"

I say, "Burning Woods?"

DE says, "no dumbass i go there when i die i want to hunt burned woods"

I say, "Who told you to go hunting in Burned Woods, inside Felwithe?"

DE says, "some **** who wouldnt sow me" and then "will you sow me plz, its for a CR"

I stand there drooling on myself for a moment, trying to catch up. I havent had an ale in a good 20 minutes at this point, so I am starting to see spots.

DE says, "dont be a **** just sow me before they move the zone again"

I stare at the lad and ask "Move Burned Woods? Again?"

DE says, "yea"

I finally snap and say, "They aren't going to move it again. Once they moved it to Western Wastes, with all the snow, it stopped burning."

DE says, "i saw a burning tree"

I say, "Exactly my point. Now if they would only move Burning Woods there it would stop too and people wouldn't go there when they die."

DE says, "can you sow me, its for CR"

I say, "sow doesnt work in IC until you get past EW and then it will work for CR's only until you get to WW, then ask the first person you see for sow there." I add as an afterthought "Sometimes they look like flying blue things but they can sow"

DE says, "***???"

I say, "Allow me to use smaller words. You do not need a sow yet. Do what I say and you'll get there right away." and then "Sit down and mem the spell Bind Affinity"

DE is silent for a bit and finally says "its red" as he is standing up

I say, "I am glad they covered Colors this week. Now target yourself and cast this spell. " He just stands there for a minute, so I add "it will r0ck" and he begins to cast the spell, binding himself behind the guards at Felwithe. I feel somewhat better already, maybe I dont need ale.

DE says, "it said bound" and begins to giggle

I say, "Now sit down and mem the spell Iceclad Gate. This will r0ck even more."

DE says, "this one is green"

I say, "You're damn good at those colors man"

DE says, "thx"

When the DE stands up I say "This is going to take you to Iceclad Ocean. It's an ocean so that's why they moved Burned Woods there....to put it out."

DE says, "what about sow"

I say, "Remember that sow wont work until you are on a CR in WW. In fact you actually run faster in snow if you set the RUN button to WALK. Do that now."

DE says, "ok"

I say, "Now cast Iceclad Gate....the Green one. Remember to run straight out of where you appear and dont stop swimming until you hit Burned Woods."

DE begins to cast a spell and I zone in to get my ale....remembering that the Ignore list cures most headaches that ale cant and feeling somewhat better about going back to Sebilis.

Part 3

 

So.. There I am.. Sitting on Iceclad bridge enjoying the view and healing travelers as they pass by.



Out of no where pops up this little Dark elf.



DE: HEY can you guide me to WW Duuudee



Being the generous sort I actually consider this.. I do a /who on De and to my surprise he's level 31!. WW is no place for a 31, heck its not even a place for a 51.. I sigh.



I tell De: You really shouldn't be out here at 31. Why do you want to go to WW?



DE: I need to go hunt there but i can't get sowed till I get to EW.



I scratch my head at this since I am the nice shamenly type.



I say: Ok. zone through I'll sow you on the other side.



*zoning. please wait*



I caste sow upon the totally hopeless DE and being the nice shamen I am I tell him: You really should invis yourself before you go running across EW. Something out there will kill you.



DE: Wft is invis????



I say: In your spell book, looks like an eye ball.



DE: Oh...



I Sow myself in the mean time, caste see invis and invis up so i can lead him to ww.



DE: HEY!!! WHere did you go *((&*(&(&. Thought you were taking me to WW!!!



*deep sigh*



Caste See invis on DE. Caste invis on DE. Say : Follow...



DE: HEY.. you stupid (&(*&(&(&* where did you go..

*run back and fetch dumb DE*

Say: OK. type /Follow this way you don't lose me.



Off we run to Kael, and into Wakenlands..



At this point I'm tired of his company and tell him he has to run to SS to CS to SG to WW...



DE: ??

I say: buy a map

DE: ?

He's getting better at that punctuation.

I say: why you going to WW anyways??? just out of curiosity..

DE: I have to go through WW to get to Burned woods before it gets moved again!..



moved? Perplexed look.. hmmm



I say: WW? Didn't they move that to Kunark yesterday?



(of course I know ww is warsilk woods, not western waste but who was I to enlighten this DE)...



I say: anyways.. Follow zone wall.. when you get to SS ask someone to show you the rest of the way to WW .. Here's Sow.. Bye bye.



*gate*..



Few seconds later



DE: HEY ((*&$(& What the (&(*&(*& is WOoshi!.. It just killed me!!!



DE: S#$#$#% Guards Just killed me...



DE: WFT!!!!



DE: Died again



DE: HELP. THE guards keep killing me!!!!



/ignore

Part 4

 

I was sitting in the Burning Woods, when checking track I saw another player. Company was rare in this zone, and soloing quickly grew boring so I checked to see if he was a class I could team with.



31 wizard (dark elf)



There was nobody else in the zone, so it was obvious he was not bieng powerlevelled. My good natured druidly instincts urged me to carry out Tunare's good will in assisting anyone who might be lost, so I tracked him and headed over to him.



I was horrified to see him rush up to a wurm, quickly appear again a short distance away and rush again - who knows how long he had been doing this for.



"Hail."



His only reply was a rather rude request for a SoW, but wanting to help the lower level as much as I could I casted Spirit of Eagle on him.



"**SMURF** D00d r u dumb I need SoW not Eagle."



I frowned, obviously he wasn't gifted in manners, spelling, punctuation or knowledge.



Still, wanting to help and being in a previously jolly mood I patiently explained things to him.



"Spirit of the Eagle is like SoW, except it also lets you levitate."



"**SMURF**"



Remembering that he didn't seem too bright I added:



"Levitate means it lets you fly."



Tunare help me, I thought, as I watched looking upwards and waving his arms about.



"d00d **SMURF** this doesnt' work you lamor!."



Punctuation of some sort at least, although used completley wrong; no doubt he thought it made his words look better and him look smarter. I sighed, not willing to explain things.



"Get rid of SoE and I will cast SoW on you."



"d00d you are such a jackass I not gonna kill Sony just for SoW **SMURF**."



I had a headache at this point, but, inspired by the spirit of Tunare I kept my voice calm and my manor patient, as I tried to explain things. It was however, somewhat surprising to see that he knew the name of the publishers. I guessed someone had told him.



"**SMURF** is wrong with every1, u all so @%£;$ sad can't just give me SoW?"



I took a deep breath and tried again, making myself completley idiotproof.



"Click on the SoE icon."



.... silence, obviously idiotproof wasn't good enough for this guy, after all, he wasn't your average idiot.



"The picture of the boot in the top left of the screen."



"Ok done it, now give me @&;$"! SoW"



I casted the spell, and was about to gate, wanting to escape the company of this wizard - but I wanted to do the good work of Tunare so I asked what he was doing, so that I could give him advice.



"I need to get to burned woods to hunt before they move it again."



I was genuinley shocked, I thought this newbie couldn't say anything any stupider.



"What do you mean moved?"



"**SMURF** dumass. don't u know anything they move the burned woods all the time"



A full stop, well done!



This guy is annoying me too much.... forgive me Tunare for what I am about to do, but...



"Oh right. They moved it into LavaStorm under some lava, thats what causes it to burn."



I was going to tell the guy to port himself, but I thought better of it, and I invited him myself.



"Ok I am going to take you to lavastorm."



"Is that a teleport. They are green."



Capital letters, and some punctuation! Although incorrect punctuation it was surprising, and the guy really appeared to be trying to be helpful.



"Yes, the spell is green. Well done."



"thx a d00d say I am good at colours tho he was a @&;"$ who wouldn't give me a SoW"



I thought he wouldn't understand it if I tried to correct his grammar, and because I didn't think this newbie was smart enough to be able to use sarcasm or to understand it, I decided he must be genuinley pleased someone said he was good at recognising colours.... I ported.



I bound him, feeling he would be much safer here than in Burning Woods - he immediatley leapt into some lava. I felt guilty, as if I was letting myself and Tunare down. Although, he was a dark elf...



He sent me a tell: "**SMURF** d00d I am burning."



I replied: "Thats right, it's a clue to smart people to help them find the burned woods."

Part 5

 

So there I was, a level 58 Conjurer in the Temple of Solusek Ro. I had only been in there a few times, namely to explore and to quest the Broom of Trilon for my epic. I quickly found Vira and handed her my Shovel of Ponz items to get this lame quest out of the way when I saw something dark in the corner of my screen move. I got my Shovel and turned around.



"d00d kan u sow me" said a naked Dark Elf.



I knew instantly he was a newb from the horrible grammar and usage of "d00d". But I was shocked when I did my /who and saw he was a 31 Wizard. Having been asked for stranger requests in my time, I corrected him. After all, there are still people higher than him who haven't figured out Erudites in no shape or form can cast SoW.



"I'm sorry, but I am a Magician. Mages don't get the Spirit of Wolf spell."



"**SMURF** why wont any1 sow me?!!1 is it high lvl or some $(^&" he indignantly replied. I gave a moan at my computer monitor and proceeded to adjust this guy.



"Listen, hon, SoW isn't a high level spell. It's a very low level spell Druids and Shamans cast. Beastlords and Rangers get it too around your level."



"wut about u? i foloweed you here and u ran fast it took me long time to find yuo" I was beginning to wonder if he was someone's 8-year-old brother by his 1337 typing skillz.



"I have high level alternate abilities. One lets me run faster than normal."



"kan u sow me??" He repeated, apparantly not processing anything I was trying to say. But at least this time he found a punctuation mark. He even used it twice, call Ripleys!



"Why do you need SoW in here?" I asked the little douchebag.



"for a cr to my body i tink its in the %*#!@&; burned woods" Dumbass_Wizard01 said.



"Burned Woods--don't you mean the Burning Woods?"



"no u $(%& dont you knw their totally different ??? burned woods always moves around u stupid #)%&" He said. Five plat says this guy's on the rag.



"I see. The Burned Woods are a traveling zone. Uhhh... I think I saw it by the Warrens this morning. Want me to lead you there?" I said, mischevious grin spread-eagle across my Erudian face, unusually bright blue eyes squinting with joy.



"kan u do that and sow me id be happy a lot" He said and invited me to a group. I joined and sat down to mem a couple spells.



"Ok, as a Wizard you have a Toxxulia port spell right?" I asked in group.



"is it a green spell bcuz a d00d sayd i was good with colors" He said.



"Yes, it is a green spell. Use the /g command to talk in the group mode."



"?" Douchebag replied in group, "o wow **SMURF** is this a hax or sometihng aha ahaha are u a GM ?"



"No, I am not a Game Master. This is just group chat. Now could you please click on the green Toxxulia Forest spell and take us there?"



He cast the spell and within 30 seconds, both of us were at the Nexus spires in Toxxulia Forest. He somehow knew how to autofollow me. I took him into the Paineel gates and zoned. When we got inside Paineel...



"Ok I see the Burned Woods in here. Let me get ready." I cast my pet, a 57 Greater Vocaration: Earth.



"wow omfgz yuore a GM dont lie to me only good GM's can make those i never seen one b4 but i kno you kan do all that stuff"



"Okay, okay, buddy, I am a GM. I'm helping you out, but don't tell Sony or else they'll be really mad at me." I agreed with him to shut him up and used a lev ring charge on him.



"#*(% wtfz this isnt SOW this is fly i dun want fly i need sow" said the Douchebag.



"See this is part of the plan," I said, "You use 'fly' and run into that giant hole. You'll zone and fall in. When you reach the bottom, there will be a person who looks like my pet. Hail him and he will SoW you and send you to the Burned Woods."



At this point I was in fits of laughter in my chair. The other household residents were 4 seconds from calling the insane asylum to drag me away when I stopped.



"Let me do something really quick before you go inside, to keep you safe."

I cast Bind Affinity on him and took a seat by the ledge, ready to take some damn good screenshots. Maybe these will go on my Christmas e-Cards this year.



Douchebag_Wizard01 runs out into the Hole and floats out of the zone. And falls. And dies. And respawns at my side.



"$()&%^$)# I DIED AGAIN WTFZ I HAILED HE GUY BUT I WAS DEAD" He said, as if he were having a cruel hissy fit.



"Don't worry, maybe Fly didn't work right. Sometimes it does weird things like that. Try it again."



Well, this determined lil guy made 6 or so plunges before realizing it wasn't gonna work out, so I showed him the alternate entrance at the water hole bottom. Disbanding and gating, I tried on my new Shovel in the safety of the Plane of Tranquility and added him to /ignore.



That night I had a dream about Master Yael. Something about him and Chicken Licken's "The sky is falling!" routine. I don't blame him a bit.

buzzzx

I played with a level 25 cleric in HighKeep who refused to heal anyone. Said it drew "too much agro". He was kicked out of course, but managed to go from group to group (because he was a cleric) and last for awhile before the people got wise to him.

neschria

ha! The non-healing cleric makes me giggle.

I can't tell you how many times when I had a 1hb equipped that I'd have people run up to me and ask for "rez plz".  The most memorable of these occasions was once when I was sitting in Butcherblock. An ogre ran up in front of me, dragging his corpse. He stopped in front of me and said nothing.  He danced around a little. He dragged his corpse back and forth. Not a word. I got up and started to leave. He started to follow, dragging his corpse. Now, at this point, you'd have thought that the skeleton named "Jibober" following me around would have clued him in. And you'd have thought wrong. He followed me around Butcherblock for another TEN MINUTES before he sent me a tell asking for a res.

I wasn't anonymous. I wasn't roleplay. /who is your friend.

I can forgive the people who would run up to my half-elf warrior and ask for sow. I would always answer, "I'm sorry. I'm a warrior, not a ranger. If you find sow, let me know, I need it!"